Bikers

Bikers have an unfortunate reputation. They are often compared to criminals, with the "Hell's Angel" image being intimidating and downright scary. While massive tattooed men with beards riding Harley Davidsons are one aspect of biker culture, there is another aspect that is widely overlooked.

The culture of sports bikers is one of which I have only recently been introduced to, but is one not to be overlooked. Riders in this category in my experience are usually thrill seekers but at the same time are extremely controlled and dedicated. Sports bikes (possibly motorbikes in general) take a lot of maintenance, so sports bikers have to be dedicated to their bikes and seek pride from them. Bikers often fix their own bikes, finding it cheaper and easier than relying on mechanics, and therefore you can sometimes walk in on a bit of a mess if you visit a biker's home. Some seek to have the best looking bike or the fastest bike and they can become quite competitive.

Like Harley riders, these riders often meet up to compare bikes or just to mingle with fellow bike lovers. They will discuss bikes. A lot. As a biker's girlfriend who knows nothing about bikes, this can seem a bit alien-you wonder why a conversation about exhausts could possibly be interesting. But they are truly passionate about every aspect, and I suppose talking to people who share your interests is extremely exciting. These meets can cause lifelong friendships to form; the types of friendships where you don't need to talk everyday, but if you randomly bumped into them in the middle of the street, you wouldn't avoid conversation.

My favourite part of being partially involved in this culture is the group rides. These can be organised rides, or can randomly spring from meet ups. The best I have been on is the May-Day Run, in which bikers from all over the country ride in groups towards the Hastings coast. This is great because you're all riding together and it creates a real sense of unity, plus because you are pretty much contained away from other traffic, you can have fun with the bikers around you. Rides like these show the diversity of bikers and its also interesting to look at all the different types of bikes, even as someone who knows literally nothing about motorbikes.

I always ride pillion on my boyfriend's bike because I can't actually ride a motorbike (although many have tried to persuade me to learn) and this in itself is a mastered skill. You have to learn to position yourself in a way that won't restrict the person in front of you; they need to be able to move their hips and arms. You also need to learn to lean with the bike, it makes it much easier on the person in front of you if you are not sitting bolt upright. I have found that if my boyfriend wears a rucksack, I can hold onto the back of the handles to stabilise myself. This way, I have something keeping me on the bike, but I'm not clinging on to my boyfriend.

Every single biker I have met so far has been extremely friendly and helpful. If a biker is seen broken down on the hard shoulder, another biker (as long as they have nowhere urgent to be) will stop to help. How often do you see car drivers pull over to the hard shoulder to help another car driver who seems to be unable to help themselves? I remember travelling from my boyfriend's house to somewhere else by bus, but I had to wait at the bus stop wearing all my bike clothes. A biker saw me and approached me asking if I was okay. He obviously had presumed I was having bike troubles and was asking if I needed any help. Me, about 18 at the time (but forever looking 14), him in his early thirties: what was it to him if I had broken down? Another thing I like is what I have dubbed the "biker nod". Whenever two bikes pass each other (as long as they are "good" bikes) each biker will exchange a nod. Just a friendly "hello", but I think it is refreshing. Bikers can often rally together for a good cause, like the Red Ring for Remembrance day, where bikers aim to make the biggest poppy in the world by wearing red and riding around the M25 in a cirlce. This helped to raise money for various remebrance charities.

While bikers can be competitive and sometimes ride at dangerous speeds, there is nothing like the exhilaration of riding a motorbike. I am a driver of a comfortable Ford Focus, a lover of creature comforts such as radio and air con and appreciator of not-getting-wet-when-it's-raining. But even I miss being on the back of a bike. Never mind the fact you can bypass traffic with ease, being on a bike means being part of an exclusive, positive, friendly culture.

Going for a Walk

I went outside today. No, no, no, I'm fine, I haven't gone crazy. And yes, this is Katherine writing this. I just felt compelled to leave the house, is all. Tired of procrastinating writing an essay through watching videos of baby goats on the internet, I decided to procrastinate by taking a walk. I brought along with me the book I was meant to be writing the essay on, in a small bid of hope that I was contributing to my essay in some way. 

Buckingham is in the heart of green-belt country, with not much to do in terms of shopping and entertainment facilities like cinemas etc. What it lacks in suburbancy (yes, I did make up that word), it makes up for in breathe-in-the-fresh-air countryside. I didn't even have to walk far; the river that runs alongside my university is perfect for walks. Now, I am from the near-London suburbs, where we walk fast and with purpose with our heads down, not talking to anyone. There are fields there, but they are brown and ploughed, and not particularly inspiring to walk in on a winter's day. Therefore, sometimes the very idea of "going for a walk in the fields" can seem a bit obsolete, a bit Wuthering Heights.

I found a bench right by the riverside, tucked slightly away from the squealing children in the playground and the competitive tennis players on the tennis courts, wearing shorts I shudder to imagine wearing in such conditions, and opened my book. Charles Dickens' Ghost Stories, in particular, A Christmas Carol. Not really the setting for such a book; a sunny midday in February, but I enjoyed reading outside all the same. The occasional dog would sniff at my feet as it pattered by and a few parents with children walked past: parents attempting to teach their sprogs the ways of the world, the child more interested in a slug they had stepped on. I was at the centre of the world but disconnected from it at the same time.

Being a novice at "going outside", I made the fatal error of not putting on enough layers (because two jumpers and a coat are not enough apparently), and I had to retire from my little spot after about an hour. It had been nice to look up every now and again and catch the sun reflecting on the water, to notice how fast the river was flowing and how at some points it could be completely silent.

Don't get me wrong, I'm from Kent, "The Garden of England", I've seen my fair share of countryside. I've been to numerous National Trust Gardens and grew up with a garden that backed onto a woodland. Today was different though. It was unplanned, you didn't need an entry ticket. It really did feel like something someone did "in the old days", to just go for a walk and sit and read outside. I think that's sad. That our generation is imagined as the people who see "outside" as just the place in between home and work. We adorn indoors with plants in pots as a way to make us feel closer to the natural world, when all we have to do is step outside.

Not wanting to sound preachy, it's just that I am annoyed at myself for neglecting outside. While the downside is that it isn't temperature controlled, I think the benefits are enormous. From just an hour of being outside, sitting with no real purpose, I feel momentously healthier. I think, next time, I will donn as many layers as I can without looking like the Michelin Man, so I can sit outside for as long as I like. Plus, I got to stroke a cat on my way home, which was nice.

(same cat a few weeks earlier)

Anxiety and Depression

As you can see by the title, this blog post is obviously going to be super upbeat! Well I'll try and make it as light-hearted as I can. I can honestly say that I have suffered from both anxiety and depression, particularly anxiety, since I was about 14. Now it seems like everyone these days, particularly girls because they're more open to admit it, suffers from either or both of these conditions, so a lot of people understand what it is like to have or know someone who has them. However, some people have no idea why these pansies are complaining all the time, so I thought I'd draw on my experience of the conditions.

 

*Disclaimer: I have been clinically diagnosed with anxiety, but not depression although I know from experience that I have symptoms of it. I do not take medication towards either of these and have deliberately sought no counselling* 

Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand (perhaps not as joyfully as the image that evokes), so after having anxiety for pretty much all of my teenage years, I found that I was suffering from depression from about the age of 19. This coincided with me starting university and I still suffer from bouts of it almost 2 years later. In the beginning, I didn't recognise it as depression, I just thought of myself as lazy and homesick, but it definitely stemmed from there. I had moved to a new town and everyone seemed to be having fun and making friends, except me. I was sharing a house with people I didn't know (and ended up hating) who held loud house parties without inviting me. I wasn't coping.

Every day of my life?!

This led to me having extremely low self-esteem and made me want to stay inside. This later progressed into me not wanting to even leave my bed some days. I would sleep all day and be awake all night. I'm not even sure what I did when I was awake, but I just tried to make the days pass as quickly as possible. I put minimal effort into what I did, because what's the point? The only thing that could bring me out of it was when I met up with friends or when I came home to see my family and was in familiar surroundings. This has eased now that I am studying a subject I have an interest in and have something to work towards. Unfortunately, it is very easy for me to hate myself and I need to be talked out of thinking the worst of a situation.

Anxiety is far, far easier for me to talk about because I have so many more years of experience with it. From its origins with panic attacks to the everyday freak-outs I get now, I think it's safe to say I have had every symptom under the sun. I started getting panic attacks when I was about 13 or 14, consisting of shivering, nausea, sweating, dizziness, tunnel vision and often led to throwing up. This stopped me from doing a lot of the usual things a young teenager can do; it often made me housebound. I gave up air cadets and often flaked out of meeting up with friends at the weekends because of, or in fear of a panic attack. This became a vicious cycle; if I knew I was going to do something, I would expect a panic attack, which of course brought one on.

My parents became worried about me, and took me to the doctors to see if anything could be done. Now I don't know which moron trained this doctor, but the first doctor's only advice was "just breathe". I mean, really? Breathing is the one thing keeping me alive, so I guess it's good general advice? He didn't even give me breathing techniques, "just breathe". So of course, we tried another doctor. By the way, I was sure at this point that I didn't want counselling as I thought it wouldn't be the right environment for me, it would probably bring on more panic attacks if anything. 

The next doctor was far more helpful; she had printed out a load of different calming techniques, suggested herbal smells and lotions that were meant to be calming and prescribed me IBS tablets for the symptoms. While this worked for about 3 weeks, I soon associated the herbal smells with panic attacks, which started to induce the panic attacks, and I still think to this day that the IBS tablets damaged my digestive system. The breathing techniques work now and again. I think everything I was given could have worked, just not for me.

A weird technique someone suggested to me was to write down all my worries during the day and designate a time of day to worry about all of them. I don't think this makes much sense, as when you're panicking, it's usually about really trivial things and you usually aren't deliberately panicking about them. Also, if you could stop panicking, why would you then panic later on in the day? I can't imagine going "Oh, it's seven o'clock, time to worry about that time I waved at someone and then realised they weren't who I thought they were, and are actually a complete stranger." Maybe it works for some people?

In the end, I have accepted that I will never get over my anxiety, however I have worked out a few ways to combat it on my own. If I feel an activity is going to make me nervous, I wear two particular rings on different hands, and can anxiously twist them if I feel panicked. This stops me from picking my fingers to death. A good breathing technique I made up myself, but am sure is out there somewhere, is to breathe from the base of your stomach and as you exhale, imagine the twisting knotted feeling in the base of your stomach is being pushed out through the air you breathe out. Another is to try to numb your mind to the panic alarms going off in your head; try not to think about anything (easier said than done sometimes).

 Finally, sometimes you need to just accept that you are panicking and just let yourself do so. Have a couple of minutes to yourself to let it all out and then when you are ready (you may never feel completely ready, but let's just say, when you can physically stand up and open the door) leave with a smile on your face. Alcohol is also great at easing panic, but that's not me recommending you medicate yourself with it! Just on a night out it's great to open you up to speaking to people you don't know and makes the conversation easier. 

I don't really get major panic attacks like I used to anymore. I think that stopped when I started doing things out of my comfort zone, like I entered my school production and had to sing in front of a bunch of strangers. Also, having a sense of control is good; I don't really like other people driving me places, I much prefer to drive. Knowing you can leave somewhere at any time is also good. Being around people who know about your anxiety is also good: one time at work I had to go and take 5 minutes just to lock myself in the toilet and have a panic attack, but I let a manager know I had anxiety and needed a breather, and it was fine. The disorder isn't as stigmatised as people make it out to be, it's a perfectly accepted thing.

I'm going to end this here because just talking about panic attacks is bringing on one, and also this has gone on far too long! There will probably be a few follow up posts to this one anyway.

EDIT: Click here for the most hilarious, yet true, post about depression from one of my favourite blogs

Things to Watch

I am a student, and therefore people assume I have unlimited free time. Well, it turns out, this term I actually do find myself with a fair amount of free time on my hands, so I have been watching a lot of programmes recently. I thought I'd write a post on what I watch in case people are stuck channel surfing.

Cucumber, Banana and Tofu-Thursdays 9, 10 and 10.30 p.m. Channel 4

Channel 4's trilogy of programmes depicts LGBT relationships, written by Russel T. Davies. Cucumber follows a middle aged gay man, sexually frustrated and frigid at the same time, causing his relationships to fail. He ends up squatting in a luxurious apartment with two younger men, one gay and one bisexual, and being the third wheel to the younger men's parties and orgies.

Banana leads with a different character each episode, each character being young LGBT people. A few of the characters from Cucumber can be spotted in Banana, although usually not playing the leading character of the episode. Banana cast the first transgender actor in a transgender role in a UK television series, with Bethany Black playing a post operative transsexual. The characters in Banana are more open about their sexuality than the older characters in Cucumber.

Tofu is a documentary in which some characters from the show, alongside porn actors, Youtubers and average people off the street are interviewed about their sexuality, with different themes running through each show.

Overall: Great to widen your perspective in LGBT relationships and good for a laugh

The Comic Relief Great British Bake Off- Wednesdays 8.30 p.m. BBC 1

We get a bit obsessed with The Great British Bake Off in my house, so when it isn't on we feel a sense of loss. Luckily, the Beeb like to bring it back occasionally in between series' for charitable spin-offs. This series sees different celebrities competing against each other, while baking easily achievable cakes and biscuits. This is to encourage people to raise money for comic relief through cake sales; the programme basically sets examples to the public of the types of cakes they could make. With the loveable presenter's occasional double entendres and unforgivable puns, the viewer is wrapped up in a Carry On-esque Britishness, that is only added to by the vintage decor and good sportsmanship.

Overall: It's great to see celebrities be terrible at making easy cakes, plus a nicey nice cosy atmosphere

24 Hours in A&E- Wednesdays 9 p.m. Channel 4

Following the workings of a hospital in the space of 24 hours, this series really shows the hard work put in by people who work in hospitals. With a little backstory in to patient's lives, the programme is particularly humanistic and evokes empathy for the patients through interviews with their family, so they aren't simply defined by their injuries. Speaking of which, a number of serious injuries come through the hospital doors, and the staff have to be ready to deal with whatever they see. Some scenes can be particularly gruesome, however you do see the odd patient with a bit of Lego in their ear or similar amusing minor injuries.

Overall: At times, not for the squeamish, generally feel-good, but can be an emotional rollercoaster

Lucius II: The Kawaii Prophecy- PressHeartToContinue Youtube

The sequel to the first game, which left off with an AntiChrist character Lucius being trapped in an insane asylum. I do not know the entire backstory to the first game, but I am sure it can be found on various Wiki pages (I haven't read them in fear of spoiling). For people like me who are quite bad at strategic video games, watching someone else play them gives you the ability to find out the story, with the added bonus of journeying through the game with someone else, plus the fact you don't have to become frustrated at yourself for being so bad at video games! "Dodger", a female gamer on Youtube, has recently released two parts into a play-through of the game. She may irritate pro-gamers, as she isn't extremely adept at games, but she is a fun companion to journey with (for me personally) as I would probably be far worse, and she goes into the game with such emotion; her screams in surprise will probably make you jump more than the game does.

Overall: Personal taste

Dexter

This series finished a while ago, but I think I may have to rewatch it. Built around the life of a blood spatter analyst/secret serial killer, the story follows Dexter Morgan as he simmultaneously solves murders and creates murders. Dexter was traumatised as a young child when he witnessed his mother being brutally murdered in front of him. His adopted father noticed homicidal tendencies in young Dexter, so embarked on a kind of training to hone his morality. This leads Dexter in his older life to only kill people "who deserve it". This usually leads to him killing the murderers from his investigations; being one step ahead of the detectives in order to do so.  The series plays devil's advocate and you often finding yourself empathising with the serial killer, which can be worrying. 

Overall: Exciting and tense with a dry humour

*I think all this blog post proves is that I have an extremely varied taste in what I watch*

Laziness vs Ambition

Isn't it irritating when someone seems to just naturally be good at something? Thanks to my mum, I have always been a quietly competitive person, but I am also naturally quite lazy so it's difficult to learn to be good at something when I don't want to put the effort in.

I never particularly struggled at school, not even needing to revise for some of my GCSEs and still getting As. People are going to hate that, and of course you should revise even if you think you don't need to, but I always seemed to just retain information. A levels were definitely harder, just because I actually had to put more effort in and, although I still got decent grades, I think I could have done better if I hadn't been so lazy. My sister, however, has learning difficulties alongside mild autism and struggles much more in school. She constantly says I must have cheated on my exams, which is quite irritating for the exams I did actually have to work hard for, but I can see where she is coming from. She has to work so much harder than I did, just to pass with minimal marks.

Sometimes I wish I could be good at everything, even ridiculous things, like I'm jealous that my boyfriend can whistle through his fingers and wiggle his ears (what a catch, right?). I know it'd be unfair for someone to be able to master everything they possibly want, but sometimes it'd be really handy to be able to learn how to do things really quickly. Imagine if you could learn a language in a week. How much less ignorant would you look when you go on holiday and don't have to speak in weird broken English for the locals to understand you? Imagine if you could learn to have a sense of direction (I get lost so easily) and could go somewhere you had never been before and find your way home without having to consult a map.

I can play the piano and guitar at a relatively basic level, but when friends of mine can sit with an instrument and just play really elaborate pieces, I get jealous, even though they have probably spent hours practising and I haven't played the piano for about two years. People at parties who sit and improvise guitar (NOT Wonderwall) make me twitchy; I want to get up and play but if I started to play, it would be nowhere near as impressive. I know that if I actually tried with these things, then soon enough there is a possibility I will be able to do the same, but the laziness in me wants it to just come with ease. 

It's probably a good thing that everyone isn't good at everything, though. When people do put in the effort to be good at something and it eventually pays off, the feeling is so rewarding and it is inspiring to others who want to do the same. It also causes people to find their own way about things, extending their creativity and increasing the variation in the world. I'm sure Picasso was told he was bad at painting, but when he found his own style that was different to realism, obviously he was very successful. I just need to stop being lazy!

Big Hero 6

Because I am a mature adult, I went to see Big Hero 6 in the cinema the other day. The new Disney film is set in the fictional city of San Fransokyo (a combination of San Francisco and Tokyo), taking on aspects of both cities whilst remaining somewhat futuristic. The art style remains cartoon throughout, however certain aspects of it look realistic, and the scenery is always bursting with colour; there is always something to peak your visual interest.

The film begins with Hiro, a 14 year old genius who specialises in robotics, taking on a menacing character in a backstreet robot war. After getting in trouble with the law for illegal betting on the robot war, Hiro's brother Tadashi urges him to join his "nerd school", introducing him to the eccentric characters in the robotics laboratory. It is here that we meet Baymax, Tadashi's health assisting robot, made from vinyl to make him more "cuddly". Baymax is instantly heart-warming; his face soft and smiling and his demeanour always caring. Due to his inflatability, Baymax is often slow and clumsy, his legs chafing together and his belly bouncing as he moves. Baymax's appearance seems to be the opposite to every connotation of a robot's; there are no hard lines or metallic elements to him, which helps to humanise him. Baymax is programmed to scan and diagnose patients, waking up when alerted by someone exclaiming in pain and goes back to recharge once the patient has said they are happy with his service.

After applying for Tadashi's school by submitting his own experiment, micro robots which join together to become anything imaginable, Hiro wins the approval of the professor in charge of the robotics programme and gains a place. However, the same evening, the school catches fire and Hiro loses his robots (and some other things I will not mention in fear of spoiling the film). After losing hope and failing to register with the school, Hiro slumps into a depression. Accidentally tripping over mess in his room, Hiro awakens Baymax, who discovers one of the micro robots in the room. They find it odd that the robot seems to be attracted to something outside, considering they thought the micro robots were destroyed (the robots join together through magnetism). After following the micro robot to a warehouse, they discover that someone has stolen the micro robots and are manufacturing more.

The identity of the thief is hidden behind a mask for the majority of the film, and it was fun trying to guess who it could be, although the film tries to point you towards a specific character. This character with the help of the micro robots becomes a super villain, who uses the micro robots for evil. Hiro, along with the characters he met in Tadashi's lab use their robotics knowledge to create superhero suits. Even Baymax gets a makeover to his soft, cuddly appearance. Baymax questions why a health care robot would need to wear armour and why karate moves are downloaded in to his hard drive, but Hiro insists that if Baymax helped him it would make him feel better. The six superheroes go off to fight the villain, however Hiro loses purpose when he discovers the villain's backstory. He is overcome with anger and instead of trying to stop the villain, he wishes to get revenge on him. 

This leads to him removing Baymax's hard drive, which causes him to forget his caring ways and becomes a mindless killing robot. Obviously, the film has a somewhat happy ending, but it does get a bit intense at some points (which was spoilt for me, in a cinema full of young children, by the endless wailing of some toddler). If you wanted to take young children to see it, I would recommend it as it isn't scary at all, and is an exciting superhero cartoon where the characters are relatable to people of all ages.

 Before the film starts, you are introduced to a "short", one of Disney's short films, about ten minutes or so long, called Feast. This is about a puppy named Winston and his relationship with his owner. I loved this short, as I have recently got a puppy, and could definitely see some aspects of my puppy's personality displayed in Winston. 

ILL

I've been ill all day today. It sucked. Typically, I started feeling ill just before I was due to go to uni, so missed my lecture, and started feeling better when all of the shops and the post rooms close. This means that the day I reserved for being productive was spent lying in bed and dreaming of death. It's funny how much you take advantage of the times where you don't feel like you're going to throw up all the time; you really miss them when you do. I'm ill all the time though, so people have stopped feeling sympathetic.

I feel guilty for staying in bed all day as well, which doesn't make me feel any better. I could have got so much done! Instead I slept for most of the daylight hours. I wondered whether it was the amount of junk food I have been comfort eating, so found myself eating rocket leaves out of the packet earlier. I'm a shambles. Help!

50 Shades of Nope

I tried not to get wrapped up in the debates surrounding the 50 Shades phenomena, however I have seen one too many Facebook updates of people being excited to go and see the film and just have to say my piece.

I saw a post on Tumblr the other day that simply read "50 Shades of Grey; showing that domestic abuse among straight couples is still more accepted than healthy relationships between gay couples". While there are definitely arguments against this, such a controversial statement may well have a point. 

The reason so many people are finding a problem with 50 Shades is the issue of consent. Many people argue that 50 Shades of Grey glamorises abuse and rape, twisting scenarios that would be threatening in the real world so that they are exciting in the fictional world. This can lead to the lines being blurred (no pun on a terrible offensive song meant) and for people to misinterpret boundaries when it comes to sex. While 50 Shades fans defend the threatening behaviour in the story as a dom-sub relationship, real people who exist in such relationships recognise flaws in the fictional relationship that could prove to be dangerous.

In the porn industry, women are often portrayed as submissive objects and are often treated with violence. This too has negative consequences, as the younger generation consuming pornography can develop unhealthy and unrealistic attitudes towards sex. Some people have campaigned against the pornography industry, however others argue that they do not agree with such censorship.

Bringing such unconventional sexual behaviour into mainstream culture, 50 Shades of Grey was "bound" to cause controversy. While I know where I stand in terms of my attitude towards this film, I know that others will be polarised in the opposite direction, being of the attitude that the film is bohemian, exciting and breaking down barriers and taboo subjects. I feel more need to be done to define what consent is and what it means, and I think it will be interesting if this film changes people's perception of what they think consent is.

Some other blog posts on this issue:

1. Pro 50 Shades

2. Anti 50 Shades, a response to the above

Phone Anxiety

Surely it isn't normal for someone to put off making a phone call for over a month, simply because they HATE making phone calls. Yet, that is the situation I am (was) in, even though the phone call was pretty important (Student Finance had messed up big time). Every time I thought about making the phone call, I pictured myself stumbling over my words and somehow ending up owing Student Finance £1million, just because I'd phrased something wrongly.

I'm a person of nervous disposition as it is, suffering from anxiety for most of my life (although, isn't everyone nowadays?), but I especially hate speaking on the phone. Being a "worrier", I always think about the worst outcomes of a situations, so mentally planned out what could go wrong with making this phone call:

1. You can't see their facial expressions, so don't know how they are reacting/if they are joking

2. They could have an accent/could be muffled through the connection, so you can't understand them, leading to numerously asking them to repeat themselves, which could cause them to think you are rude or unintelligent

3. You could forget something important and only remember after you have hung up

4. You could lose connection and have to go through the whole process again

I decided that I seriously needed to motivate myself to make this phone call, as it was so important, so I decided that I would only allow myself the treat of driving home and spending this weekend with my family if I at least attempted to make the phone call. I made a list of everything I needed to say (not down to the last word, I didn't want to sound robotic), including important dates and the data I needed to discuss with them. I then placed the list to the side of my desk and selectively "forgot" about it until the next day (today).

Writing the phone number I had to call down in the margins of my list, I proceeded to type the numbers in to my phone, trying to switch off the alarm bells ringing in my brain as I pressed the "call" button. After four attempts of not getting through to the number, I began to get angry. I psyched myself up for this for over a month, and they don't even have the courtesy not to be engaged. Then I realised I had written the number down wrongly.

Mentally hating myself, I then called the CORRECT number. The dial tone seemed to last hours, before I was put through to a "robot" asking me to press numbers for different options, or to hold to be put through to someone at the call centre. As my problems were numerous and particular, I had to wait to be put through to someone. The line buzzed. "Hello, Student Finance, how can I help you?" Oh God, he has an accent. Scottish though, my favourite of the accents. At least he was understandable; his accent wasn't heavy. Using my list, I was able to forget a percentage of my anxiety driven worst-scenario thoughts. I made it through the important questions, although saying the wrong date twice, even though it was written in front of me, and forgetting how to count when asked for the sixth letter of my "secret phrase".

When I was put on hold (for a very short time, so congrats Student Finance call centre) the music jarred my ears. It sounded like a cross between the music you would find in a tense scene in an action film and terrible 8bit music radiating from an ancient Atari game. It was at this point I realised I had been shaking and sweating for the entire phone call so far. The music ended abruptly and "Ben" picked up the phone with a "Hello?" that contrasted a number of decibels quieter than the hold music and he had to repeat himself before I realised he was talking.

I got through the phone call although, guess what? They have to talk to a different department and are calling me back tomorrow. So I have to go through all of it again! However, I am proud of myself for finally making the call, and I realise that the people on the other end of the line are understanding and do this for a living. They listen to hundreds of people a day, some probably just as reluctant to speak on the phone as I was. So, tomorrow I will try to be more confident as I speak. Now I just have to overcome the anxiety of waiting around all day for the phone to ring. Sigh.

Cheap Alternative Date Ideas

So, I don't know if you've heard, but Valentine's Day is coming up. Not noticed the endless advertisements and self-pitying Facebook posts yet? Lucky you. All reservations at your favourite restaurant taken, or just can't stand the forced atmosphere a cinema date creates? For those of you who have a "special someone" this Valentine's Day, or for those who just want to do something cool with your friends where you won't run in to doe-eyed couples, here are a few alternative ideas to the typical Valentine's Day date.

1. ARCADE

Not the most romantic place in the world, I hear you say? Back in the times where people had to leave their house to play games, the arcade was a choice destination to take a date. What's better than embarrassing your date by defeating them terribly at a fun videogame? No one can remain uptight while sitting in a plastic car playing Mario Kart. Even if you aren't too good at videogames, there are games that don't involve much skill, like "Whack-a-Mole" and endless 2p machines. Your relationship will be strengthened through games involving teamwork, and it's a good way to see how your significant other behaves in the face of defeat. If you are in the early stages of a relationship, the arcade sure beats the awkwardness of a cinema date and at least you can win prizes out of it. You could do the stereotypical thing of winning your partner a giant toy out of the crane machine or, if you are living in real life and the crane machine never lets you win, you could win a bunch of tickets from an easy game and save up to buy a couple of water pistols out of the prize shop. 

Best time of day: 6 p.m. - avoids the busy times with lots of kids and you could easily grab a romantic meal after

2. PICNIC

February isn't the best time of the year for this date, but hey, we might get lucky and 14th February 2015 might break heatwave records? Going on a picnic can be what you make of it, it gives you the opportunity to actually MAKE CONVERSATION with your date. You could bring activities or games with you if you feel it may get awkward. Find somewhere quiet with great scenery for best results. This date is effortless, but does take some pre-planning. Make sure everyone knows what food they are bringing, or if you are providing all of the food, make sure it is something you both like and something that will fill you both up. Pasta and sandwiches are a good call, and maybe bring something sweet along too (but from experience, strawberries and cream on a windy day is a bad idea).

Best time of day: depends on the mood you want to create (and weather), midday for a relaxed, fun atmosphere, evening for a romantic date, maybe bring candles. If bad weather, indoor picnics can be just as good.

3. WALK

Exercise?! In this day and age?! If you live in a particularly picturesque part of the country, going for a walk with your date can be a great idea. Even if you don't, just walking around your local town can be just as good. Maybe be tourists for a day? Going for a walk with your date can be a great way to discover beautiful parts of the world that you didn't know existed, right near to where you live. Maybe stop for a rest on a bench by a river? Go into a cafe you never even noticed was there. Again, this is a great way to talk to your date and find out more about them. Best yet-decide you don't like them? There's no schedule to this date, you can leave anytime with any excuse.

Best time of day: Mid-morning as it's still light so there's less chance of getting lost, or having to walk home in the dark. You can always bring along a picnic too!

4. FILM MARATHON

You reeeaallyyyy don't want to go to a cinema full of couples displaying uncomfortable levels of PDA and anyway, cinema tickets are extortionate nowadays. Yet you still want to watch films with the one you love. Organise a day where you both are free for a significant number of hours. Make a list of the films you both want to watch. Bring a load of snacks and cushions, close the curtains, maybe make a projector, and you have an easy date-you don't have to move! A range of genres is the best option, otherwise you can get a bit bored and begin to crave the outside world. Plus, you can see what your partner's tastes are and see if they are generous enough to watch a film that you love but they find terrible.

Best time of day: Doesn't matter, you won't be seeing sunlight anyway.

5. SEASIDE

Unfortunately, where I live at university is much further from any beaches than where I live away from university. If you are lucky enough to live within a reasonable distance from the seaside, go! It's a great date, even if it's cold. Warm weather means you can go paddling (it's still February, we're not quite swimming yet!), you can sit and watch the waves and yes, talk. If the weather isn't particularly tropical, you can still look around the quirky shops that exist by the sea. Laugh at the funny tourist shops that sell rude postcards and "I love London" t-shirts when you're miles from London. Look at all the different gemstones and fossils in those funny shops. Casually brush your partners hand as you pick a shell up to admire it. Great! Make sure you wear enough layers though, as the beach is definitely the coldest place in the universe.
Best time of day: Mid-morning to mid-afternoon, the shops will be open 

These ideas have all been tried and tested by me and I definitely enjoyed them all! While the typical "romantic" date of dinner and a film is fine by me, it's not the most original idea, and on Valentine's Day you won't be able to move in a restaurant or cinema without bumping in to a couple on a date. If cinema dates make you feel awkward, good! The best way to cement a relationship is talking to your date and finding out about them. Going on dates to the cinema restricts this-even watching films at home is better than the cinema, as no one will tell you to be quiet and you can make it your own. Plus, coming up with a successful alternative idea for a date will be much appreciated, as your date will know you are thinking of them and makes you stand out from the rest of those uncreative restaurant and cinema dates.

 Disclaimer: some of these ideas may not be great for a first date, but then, why is your first date on Valentine's Day? A lot to live up to for a first date.

WARNING This Post Contains Cute Puppy Photos

Having a pet definitely changes your life for the better. After going about quite a few years without a dog (I have had two dogs before), in September last year my family decided it was time to get one.

 It took so long because the last dog we had was a border collie; an absolute working dog to its core. This didn't end so well, because we didn't have enough time in the day to walk her as much as she needed (which was a lot!). This meant that she used to tunnel out of our back garden, which backed on to the woods, and we would have to spend countless evenings running around the woods looking for her. My parents decided it would be unfair on her if we kept her, as we could not give her the attention she deserved. The day they tried to take her to the Battersea dog's home, I remember running up my street with no shoes on, with the dog in tow, saying to my parents that I would look after her on my own. I was a dramatic child, but I had grown so attached to the dog that I couldn't imagine life without her.

The dog we had previously, my parents had owned before I was born, so I grew up around her. This was useful, as I grew up not being scared of animals and made friends with my neighbor because ours mums walked their dogs together. This dog died of old age when I was relatively young, but I don't think I understood the concept of death yet. This is because, when we buried the dog's ashes in the garden, we marked the grave with a bamboo stick, through which I used to drop spaghetti to "feed" the dog.

Schnoodle puppy

My mum was determined to do her research on types of dog this time around, so that we didn't end up with a dog that didn't suit our lifestyle. While at first, my mum and sister wanted to get a schnoodle (a cross between a schnauzer and a poodle), I wasn't so sure. It turned out that such breeds were quite rare in the area in which we lived. In fact, it was very difficult to find anything that wasn't a Staffordshire terrier, which probably shows how rough the area I live in is. Eventually, we decided that we liked the look of spaniels, specifically cocker spaniels rather than their lively springer counterparts. 

After endless Google searching we found a couple of spaniels we liked. The first time we actually went to a seller's house, they were very convincing. They had previous experience with breeding their dog and the puppies were unbarably cute. However, when looking at the situation again, the puppies were locked in a cage on top of a bin, outside in the heat, with no water, and a large portion of the garden "where the mother dog lived" was blocked from view and we weren't allowed to go back there. We resolved that, while we felt sorry for the puppies, we had in fact just visited a puppy farm and were not going to encourage this, so didn't buy from them.

Puppy farms are regarded as cruel by a lot of people because dogs are used for breeding again and again and the breeders often have little regard for the dog's health. It is very easy to not realise that you are buying from a puppy farm because they hide it well. WHen selling multiple puppies from the same litter, they usually advertise the puppies seperately and occasionally lie about when different puppies are born. The best way to tell whether or not an online advertisement is a puppy farm is by looking to see if any different advertisements are from the same location or have the same contact details. You could ask how many litters the mother has had before, although of course, the seller could lie.

Finally, we found a local seller who seemed safe, so we went to visit them. There was only one puppy left when we got there. She was very small, very scared and quite tired. When we picked her up, she quivered so much I was scared. We all were so endeared to her, even though she seemed of a dangerously nervous disposition. We all turned to look at my dad, who would be paying for her, and of course he agreed. She shivered in the car the whole way home.

When we got home, we expected the puppy to be excited to explore her new environment, but she just laid down and looked sorry for herself. She let you stroke her, she didn't back away from you, but she didn't seem thrilled to be stroked either. We were worried when she didn't leave the corner of the room all day, but left her to it to settle in by herself. The next few days she mostly spent asleep. She didn't cry like the other dog did when we first got it. She just seemed sad in the way she looked at you. It made us feel guilty, but obviously it wasn't really our fault she had been separated from her siblings.

Finally she seemed to perk up a bit, actually moving from her corner. She was scared of going through doorways for some bizarre reason, so if we wanted her in the living room with us, we had to pick her up and carry her. The first time she actually seemed interested in exploring is when we took her to the vets the first time. She obviously smelt the familar smell of dogs, and actually wagged her tail. Hurrah, we haven't got the saddest dog in the universe! It's funny, most pets hate going to the vets, but so far, my dog loves it!

 

 

Tiny puppy

She has grown a lot!

 After the trip to the vets and a couple of weeks of absolute sleepiness (apparently normal for puppies, as they're like babies and are doing the majority of growing at this age), she finally started acting like a stereotypical puppy. She now plays with her toys, throwing them up in the air and trying to catch them before they hit the ground. She always loves meeting people, often dragging me halfway across the park to go and see someone else out for a walk. As she was still refining her senses at a young age, she would often do really stupid and hilarious things, like run into cabinet doors or fall on her face after jumping over something. She still sometimes makes funny noises to herself, as if she is trying to talk like a person. She also steals underwear and socks off of radiators.

Making friends with other dogs

 

Being an elf at Christmas

She barely fits on my lap now!

She is now about seven months old, and now that I am at university, I miss her. I might drive the two and a bit hours soon, just to go and see her. I am absolutely her favourite, as I spent the majority of time with her (and I let her on my lap on the sofa, which she isn't supposed to do). She definitely has developed a personality and I am so glad of the progress whe has made from the whimpering little thing she once was.

Let Me Take a Selfie

We live in a world where people live more for documenting things than living in the moment. You can't go to a concert and have a clear view to the stage nowadays because people are holding their phones in the air recording it. I don't see why; their footage is always muffled, with the only clear sound being their terrible singing along, and they can't be fully immersed in what is happening in front of them because they are wary of how it may appear on film.

In some ways, this culture can have its benefits. Many of the photographs we see in news articles are captured by someone in the moment who wanted to document their experience. Is it right, however, for people's first reaction in an emergency to be reaching for their phones to take a picture? This could not only be seen as insensitive, but could also put the person taking the photograph in danger.

 

If I can't enjoy a night out with friends without being attacked to join "selfies" (worst word in human existance), I'd rather just stay in. Being forced to stand awkwardly while twelve different pictures are taken is not my idea of fun. You can never get away with just one photograph too: "I look fat, can we take it again", "I wasn't ready", "Now one with a silly face". Can't we just sit and talk about what's happening in our lives? Also, I get disconcerted when people take selfies right in front of my face, because I get scared they are taking a picture of me.

It's all about perpetuating the image of ourselves on social media; we always look happy, we're always out, look who we're out with now! People external to the situation will look at the photographs and feel a sense of jealousy that they're missing out on the fun that we seem to be portraying. However, the truth is the complete opposite. You can usually judge that someone has had a terrible night out from the sheer amount of photographs taken.

Sometimes, of course, taking photographs to remember a certain time has great semtimental value. Holidays, weddings, particularly momentous occasions should warrant documentation, I'll admit. My issue is when photographs are taken because "I look good today", basically used to brag about your wonderful life to people you barely know. I like the idea of lockets. A single photograph, of sentimental value and only seen by the wearer.