Phone Anxiety

Surely it isn't normal for someone to put off making a phone call for over a month, simply because they HATE making phone calls. Yet, that is the situation I am (was) in, even though the phone call was pretty important (Student Finance had messed up big time). Every time I thought about making the phone call, I pictured myself stumbling over my words and somehow ending up owing Student Finance £1million, just because I'd phrased something wrongly.

I'm a person of nervous disposition as it is, suffering from anxiety for most of my life (although, isn't everyone nowadays?), but I especially hate speaking on the phone. Being a "worrier", I always think about the worst outcomes of a situations, so mentally planned out what could go wrong with making this phone call:

1. You can't see their facial expressions, so don't know how they are reacting/if they are joking

2. They could have an accent/could be muffled through the connection, so you can't understand them, leading to numerously asking them to repeat themselves, which could cause them to think you are rude or unintelligent

3. You could forget something important and only remember after you have hung up

4. You could lose connection and have to go through the whole process again

I decided that I seriously needed to motivate myself to make this phone call, as it was so important, so I decided that I would only allow myself the treat of driving home and spending this weekend with my family if I at least attempted to make the phone call. I made a list of everything I needed to say (not down to the last word, I didn't want to sound robotic), including important dates and the data I needed to discuss with them. I then placed the list to the side of my desk and selectively "forgot" about it until the next day (today).

Writing the phone number I had to call down in the margins of my list, I proceeded to type the numbers in to my phone, trying to switch off the alarm bells ringing in my brain as I pressed the "call" button. After four attempts of not getting through to the number, I began to get angry. I psyched myself up for this for over a month, and they don't even have the courtesy not to be engaged. Then I realised I had written the number down wrongly.

Mentally hating myself, I then called the CORRECT number. The dial tone seemed to last hours, before I was put through to a "robot" asking me to press numbers for different options, or to hold to be put through to someone at the call centre. As my problems were numerous and particular, I had to wait to be put through to someone. The line buzzed. "Hello, Student Finance, how can I help you?" Oh God, he has an accent. Scottish though, my favourite of the accents. At least he was understandable; his accent wasn't heavy. Using my list, I was able to forget a percentage of my anxiety driven worst-scenario thoughts. I made it through the important questions, although saying the wrong date twice, even though it was written in front of me, and forgetting how to count when asked for the sixth letter of my "secret phrase".

When I was put on hold (for a very short time, so congrats Student Finance call centre) the music jarred my ears. It sounded like a cross between the music you would find in a tense scene in an action film and terrible 8bit music radiating from an ancient Atari game. It was at this point I realised I had been shaking and sweating for the entire phone call so far. The music ended abruptly and "Ben" picked up the phone with a "Hello?" that contrasted a number of decibels quieter than the hold music and he had to repeat himself before I realised he was talking.

I got through the phone call although, guess what? They have to talk to a different department and are calling me back tomorrow. So I have to go through all of it again! However, I am proud of myself for finally making the call, and I realise that the people on the other end of the line are understanding and do this for a living. They listen to hundreds of people a day, some probably just as reluctant to speak on the phone as I was. So, tomorrow I will try to be more confident as I speak. Now I just have to overcome the anxiety of waiting around all day for the phone to ring. Sigh.